Greetings and Salutations!

Welcome to the longest-running* yet least-read** blog on the internet! Here you'll find me writing about all the things that I write about, which strikes me, just now, as somewhat recursive. In any case, enjoy :)

* not true
** probably true

Monday, August 22, 2005

I'm that guy

I’m the guy who’s 34 years old. I am a father, a husband, a son and a brother. I am a writer, and a slacker. I am by turns diligent and lazy, surly and kind. I am, to some, ‘that kwai ang mo’ and to others (a couple of exes) ‘that sonofabitch’. I’m that guy.

I am the one that stole your pen, and I am the one that left a bag of dog food next to you while you and your dog slept on the sidewalk outside the pharmacy. I am the guy that always orders the regular ice blend mocha from you, no whipped cream, then sits outside and reads and writes and chain smokes. I am the guy that buys one can of Dr Pepper at a time from you, because it’s a reward for small accomplishments.

I’m the guy who’s still waiting for you to apologize.

I am the guy that sat down in the parking lot and stared up at the full harvest moon, and you came up to me, jittery from the crystal meth, and asked me what I was doing. And when I told you, you said ‘Yeah, I’ve seen her up there, dancing like Stevie Nicks in pink chiffon’.

I’m the guy that ran over your dog, and what the hell was he doing out at one am? I am the guy that said your mother looked like a turtle, only I didn’t know it was your mother and I still feel bad about that. I am the guy that fell asleep during the philosophy final, and thanks for kicking my seat.

I’m the guy whose shirt you poured ink on.

I’m the one who threw up in (near, around) your recliner, and I’m the one who chopped down the evergreen in your front lawn. I’m also the one who changes your diapers at four in the morning, and the guy who sits with you while you take your shower for a month after you watch a scary movie.

I’m the guy who likes cheese.

I’m the guy you mocked in Geometry class, and I’m the guy you punched in the face for burning the tapioca pudding. I’m the guy who went to your funeral after you wrapped yourself around a tree on that stupid motorcycle, even though I never liked you. I’m the one who wouldn’t go down to the golf course to make out with you. I’m the one who stayed up all night waiting for you to call.

I’m the one who left.

I’m the one saw you come out of the womb, and wondered if your head would always be so pointy. I’m the guy who promised I’d be there, but wasn’t. I’m the one who didn’t stutter when it came time to say ‘comfort’.


Yeah, I’m that guy. Who are you?

34 comments:

The Fool of a Took said...

i really like this one :)

MercerMachine said...

Thanks! But who are you?

The Screwy Skeptic said...

I'm the cheerleader who listens to Nine Inch Nails. I'm the debate team captain who goes to Detroit Red Wings hockey games. I'm the writer who just can't seem to make the words flow right.

I'm also one of many who loves this terrific post. It's been a while since you've written a piece like this.

Little Miss Drinkalot said...

Yes, I totally agree with the screwy skeptic. I'm one of the many who read this post and love it.

expat@large said...

I am the guy who pushed when the sign said pull.

I am the guy with the glass that's half full

I am the guy who walked on your grass

I am the guy who refused to kiss your m-f'ing ass

I am THE guy... da da dum da da dum

*******

I'm the guy who's about to take your crapulous idea and turn it into a brilliant hip-hop poem/song-lyric and make bazillion bucks...

While you are the guy who languishes in an attic in genius obscurity...

I am the guy who'll be laughing all the way to bank...

HahahhahahahamaClung! Ouch...

I am the guy holding his head.

I am the guy who pushed when the sign said pull...

(I am the guy who should be working on his presentation for China next week but instead is mucking about on the Internet... doh!)

E@L

expat@large said...

I am also the guy who never takes things seriously and get into trouble for being flippant ALL THE freaking TIME!

MercerMachine said...

oh, you're THAT guy. (shakes head knowingly)

La Idler said...

I'm the guy that never turned out to be cos i turned out a girl instead. Ok lame I know!

How about this:

I'm the girl you walked past once, but was just another face in the crowd.

Jaschocolate said...

I am nothing...

A.Ball.of.Yarn said...

what an unusual post! I haven't been reading many blogs but I've never seen anyone write an entry this way.:)

xue said...

I love this one. :)

sassyjan said...

juz bumped into this post by chance and totally love it :)


and i'm that one who is walking around in circles, apparently love only lurks around corners...

Mr Cleop said...

I'm that guy with the toenail clippers.

Bill Clinton to Newt Gingrich said...

Do you know who I am? I'm the big rubber clown doll you had as a kid, and every time you hit it, it bounces back. That's me. The harder you hit me, the faster I come back up.

Anantya said...

i love this.
all the little things that make up a person.

w said...

I came across this a couple of weeks back, and I loved it. I hope you don't mind but I decided to post my own version of it. :)

PC said...

wow... this really set me thinking... and did my own...

Yani Patrik said...

an honest and awesome entry... : )

squishsquirt said...

im that girl who got inspired by this post, wrote one, re-edited it twice and still thinks it's not good enough!

Beng said...

I'm the one who you reminded that it's time to reminisce childhood :)

Asyraf Lee said...

I am that man who got inspired, copied , re-edit and think mine isn't good enough too :S

tiramia said...

a bit late, but was randomly browsing and...this is one amazing post! kudos~

"i am the young woman who still believes in fairytales. i am the compulsive liar. i am the one sitting in pouring rain, waiting for Life to run up the silent streets, find me, and take me away."

Anonymous said...

i was that girl who thought she would kill herself one day just to see if she mattered. i'm that girl who threw away that thought and learnt to embrace life.

Anonymous said...

Im the woman who pretends to have it all together. Im the woman who always pushes you away. I’m the executive who drops e just to feel something. Im the woman who shreds your tax forms because you didn’t fill out a change of address.

Im the woman who ran out of the sushi restaurant to help you when you fell down. I’m the woman who flipped you the bird for honking your horn. Im the woman who apologized for breaking up with you in an email. I’m the woman who misses you terribly.

I’m the woman who buys clothes instead of furniture. Im the woman who stayed your friend when you puked on her new leather jacket.

Im the woman who was so lost she traded her body for money, and she did it because she was painfully lonely.

Im the woman that know one really knows.

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