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Tuesday, October 04, 2005

depression and handphones: bad combo.

the problem is that it' so fucking random, at least for me. Three years of relatively depression-free living and then blam, it's back. I know, stressful situations can trigger it. I know, it's like asthma, I'm not at fault, i didn't do anything to deserve it, I'm not a bad person yadda yadda yadda. That doesn't help, especially with the anxiety part. When the handphone rings and I just wanna dump it in the toilet because i just. don't. fucking. want. to. deal. with whoever/whatever is on the other side. And every ring sends my blood pressure and heart rate higher until I think i'm gonna scream. or keel over. or both.

one should not be afraid of one's handphone. that is not a rational reaction.

I think I need to up my dosage.

13 comments:

expat@large said...

OK, won't call. Message. Received.

However. Are you up for a quiet peaceful chat on non-threatening issues sometime this week? In a calming atmosphere? Can you have a beer on your meds? Or should I drink for you?

Or are you continuing with the novel till all wee hours every night? As a writer should!

The Screwy Skeptic said...

This may sound utterly trite coming from a stranger, but I do hope you feel better soon.

And to recite a cliché - some of a writer's best work derives from depression (out of the paradigm that even destructive efforts can be productive), one can so hope.

Take care of yourself, Mercer.

Anantya said...

maybe you should dump it in the toilet when it rings. catharsis!!

but really, i think the best way is to take some quiet time, treat yourself to all the really nice things (totallly!!) and take care.
i really hope you get better soon.

~another stranger, but still well-intentioned.

MercerMachine said...

thanks everybody. you're very kind. am now feeling like a whiner, though.

HairyDonut said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
la-la mee said...

i totally agree with ringing handphones... they NEVER give you good news. Only more issues and (insignificant) people whining about this and that.

Will drop you nice friendly email instead.

The Facetious Cap'n Intrepid said...

Depression sucks.

Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts.

Take care, dude...

Mr Miyagi said...

depression and handphones, bad combo? Wait till you get the flu, buster! SSRIs and flu meds don't go well together. I speak from experience.

(Anyway, all's well with your imaginary friends, so don't you worry about us, ok? can? ok? can or not? har? wei? hey! can or not? har? ok?)

friskodude said...

I think pills are only a short term solution. You should go back to a doctor and get some therapy for at least 18 months. I did back in college, and it did me wonders.

You can work out depression and anxiety, but you can't do it by yourself, and pills will never provide permanent solutions. Go see a doctor. It's the best way to solve the problem.

And it can be solved.

Terry said...

Hey, can you link to me?? I wanna add a link to your blog too. I am a fan of your blog. Heee hee...

Mr Wang Says So said...

It is very difficult to telephone Mr Wang. He turns on his handphone only when he wants to call someone, or when he is specifically waiting for a call to come.

Mercer, you must try Mr Wang's trick.

dr.lowem said...

I hate those moments of the sudden bouts of depression.

Know what I do? I would either turn it off completely, or keep it to silent through the whole weekend, just to get away from it all.

I've had friends who keep calling, wondering where the hell I disappeared to, thought I died or something. But all I needed was those personal time for myself. Time for retrospection. Time to clear some thoughts. Time to indulge.

Eh I'm such a nag... *cock a brow*

You'll be better soon :)

xue said...

Actually, I get like that sometimes, relatively often (not full-depression, just the aversion to the mobile). So my mobile's usually off or hidden in some corner and my friends now know that half the time they text/call, there'll be no response for a day or so.

Well, the whole point of that little tale was to tell you that you're not the only one feeling like that so it's ok. i hope you feel better soon. i'm sure you will in fact. and no, you're not a whiner. :)