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Welcome to the longest-running* yet least-read** blog on the internet! Here you'll find me writing about all the things that I write about, which strikes me, just now, as somewhat recursive. In any case, enjoy :)

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Wednesday, March 02, 2011

for my children

high walls and a blue sky above
the wind shakes the trees, leaves fall,
skirl down around me
an imitation of autumns I have known-
that, in this place, you will never come to know

and the faces I have known
surround me, and some are gone
for good; some I will love for good,
for good or ill. Yours I will love for good
and all.

should you wonder about me, you should know
some part of my heart I set in a high place
to keep it clean of the muck,
long, long before you came along
but now I think I made a mistake-

I love you, I love you, with all my heart
though with these two hands I tore it apart;
I love you on the rise, but you must trust
I also love you on the fall.

6 comments:

Anthony said...

To quote Bill...or maybe it was Ted: "double thumbs".

expat@large said...

Your poem leaves me uneasy about one thing. Do you really think you made a mistake? Some things we might think are decisions are not really decisions, you know. They are like imperatives we must follow in order to survive, things that we have no rational choice over but that we rationalize later and then kick ourselves about. But that is for nothing as there was nothing we could do.

From my very limited knowledge of your old history I think you did the right thing (I have to say that because of my old history!), and from my understanding of your recent troubles and injuries that cold have occured, I still would think that you did and do, the right thing.

Did you ever hold back your love for your kids - no, of course not! Are you having limited opportunities to demonstrate that love? Yes? Is it your fault? Absolutely not!

OK TWO things, your poem leaves me uneasy about TWO things. What's this about a fall?

expat@large said...

And yes I have seen these leaves 'skirl'(?) densely along Bukit Timah and wonder what rhythm of invisible seasons these trees dance to...

This is one weird country.

And the taxi driver says, "It's hot today!" Well, taxi-dude, we live on the tropics! It's hot EVERY day!

expat@large said...

And we say 'Autumn' in the colonies.

MercerMachine said...

Phil-

I've made lots of mistakes, but this poem isn't about that. We make choices sometimes, and sometimes choices are made for us.

This is more about when I am not as forgiving of my kids' faults and failures as I think I should be, and yes, when i am not there for them. it's about trying to express to them that I love them implicitly as well as explicitly.

expat@large said...

Phil?? Who's this Phil person? If you are referring to me my name is E@L, he said, managing to retain this adamantine facade of anonymity against all the odds...

OK reading too much into it. Just on my guard, for your sake.