For those of you fortunate enough never to have been forced to read Charlotte Bronte's Villette, it's um, boring. Really, really boring. I say this not because I am spiteful, but because it is true. It's not bad. It's not awful. It's just really, really boring.
Don't worry, though, because I've decided to fix that for you. In the grand (?) tradition of Pride & Prejudice & Zombies, Android Karenina and Sense & Sensibility & Seamonsters, I'll be spicing up Charlotte's boring tale of a school mistress in a foreign land searching for love with the judicious application of (non-sparkly) vampires.
That is all.