Greetings and Salutations!

Welcome to the longest-running* yet least-read** blog on the internet! Here you'll find me writing about all the things that I write about, which strikes me, just now, as somewhat recursive. In any case, enjoy :)

* not true ** probably true

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Dear Amazon Customer Service representative,

Good day to you. I read with real surprise that readers had noted 'errors' in my text, and was even more surprised when these supposed errors were listed in your email. They are not errors, typographical or otherwise.

Cloudroot vs Cloud root

In the first instance, I wrote 'cloudroot' and your email suggests I should change this to 'cloud root'. Since my novel is fantasy and these vegetables only exists therein, I believe that I (as the author and creator of this imaginary tuber) have the right to decide how they are to be spelled.  But if further evidence of the correctness of cloudroot is required, I have followed the same general guideline that dictates the spelling of 'beetroot' (a real thing that people eat) rather than 'beet root'. The difference is small, but I stand by my right as an inventor of imaginary vegetables to decide whether they will be spelled as compound nouns or not.

Tssked vs Tasked

In this second supposed typo, the character did indeed 'tssk', which is an audible sound of disapproval.made by quickly disengaging the tongue from the roof of the mouth. Perhaps you might recognize it from childhood, when your mother would look at you unhappily after you'd done some small, annoying thing. I certainly do. I can still hear her making that sound through pursed lips, decades later. Regardless, the character did not 'task' anyone to do anything in the sentence in question, which is something completely different as I am sure you will agree. Here, the suggested correction would make the sentence in question literally make no sense.

I am not sure who might have reported these supposed 'errors', nor do I have any interest in finding out. But you might, perhaps, cast a jaundiced eye on any of their future 'helpful' suggestions.


Michael McClung, cloudroot farmer and reformed tssker.

1 comment:

Sanas said...

Too funny. I hope you win the war.