Greetings and Salutations!

Welcome to the longest-running* yet least-read** blog on the internet! Here you'll find me writing about all the things that I write about, which strikes me, just now, as somewhat recursive. In any case, enjoy :)

* not true
** probably true

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

DINGOS ATE MY BABY!


In a blatant bid for more readership of this blog, I have decided that all future articles will have some sort of sensational headline. I arrived at this decision after observing certain definite trends at Tomorrow.sg:

Photos of young, attractive female bloggers garner hits. Like crazy, man. As I am not a young, attractive female, this option is out for me. I suppose I could go and photograph young attractive females (though they may not be bloggers, but really, who would care?), but this would incur the wrath of MrsMachine. There would be a serious hurtin’ put on me. Alternately, I could take photos of very attractive and definitely female MrsMachine, but she would demand control of the creative process, and I would never end up getting to post any pictures as she is so particular.

Posts by respected, long-time bloggers such as mr. brown and la idler garner hits like crazy. I am not a long-time, respected blogger like mr brown or la idler. In time I may well become so, but let’s face it, that would take, like, time. And energy. And talent. My family motto is ‘Instant Gratification Takes Too Long’.

Posts about bloggers getting sued or bloggers calling groups of bloggers ‘infantile’ garner hits like crazy. I really, really don’t care to be sued. Not because I’m afraid of the lawsuit (MrsMachine is a lawyer, and a damn good one) but because I am afraid of MrsMachine. In actual fact, I wouldn’t have to worry about any lawsuit because she would kill me dead if I got into that kinda trouble. She’d kill me and hide the body and then mumble something about ‘being in the interest of administrative convenience’. As for calling anybody infantile, well, ring-ring, hello pot? This is kettle. You’re infantile.

So, the above avenues to blogging fame being duly explored and discarded, I’ve decided my only option is sensationalism. To give you a sneak peek into the SomethingStickyThisWayComes future, here are a few articles you can expect:
  • THAI BOYS NEED LOVE, TOO
  • THE ANG MO WHOREMASTER OF GENTING LANE
  • THAT SEVERED FINGER IN MY MEE SIAM COST ME EXTRA
  • DEATH PENALTY FOR DRUGS? LET'S TEST THAT THEORY
  • IRENE ANG: OUR FORBIDDEN PASSION
  • CHERYL FOX: SEAN CONNERY'S LOVE CHILD?
  • THE SINGAPOREAN WHO HATED SEAFOOD
  • CHANNEL NEWS ASIA TO REBRAND ITSELF 'ASIAN HISTORY CHANNEL'


Stay tuned, folks.

1 comment:

Jaschocolate said...

Well, you have been browned.. so very likely your rating will increase.. Hmm.. maybe i should start doing that too to attract more readers.. Nah.. too difficult for me.. i dont have such a good brain, so cant think of any sensational headline.. :p