Greetings and Salutations!

Welcome to the longest-running* yet least-read** blog on the internet! Here you'll find me writing about all the things that I write about, which strikes me, just now, as somewhat recursive. In any case, enjoy :)

* not true
** probably true

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Little Miss Drinkalot: Interview with the MercerMachine

The own-self sabo own-self interview, which the lovely, talented, perspicacious Little Miss Drinkalot was kind enough to put to yours truly:

At 7:15 PM, Little Miss Drinkalot said...

Ok, I am going to jump queue, cuz MM easy to ask questions. :)

MercerMachine, here are your questions:

1) You mentioned "horrible flipper-like appendages". I take offence. Why are flippers horrible? Flippers are cute. You know, like Flipper the dolphin.

2) You claim Singlish is a Frankenstein's monster. Please name the corresponding body parts for the following phrases - a) "Wah lao eh!!!" b) "Ah bu den??" c) "You see here got, got. You see here no got, no got."

3) I forgive you for not wanting to give your mom a mammogram. But name 5 people whom you would like to give a mammogram to. Why? (And Mrs Machine does not count, ok?)

4) You're in marketing. I need advice. Should I buy chicken eggs or a slab of pork?

5) You talk about racism in Singapore. I think the fact that there is tolerance here in Singapore is far better than shooting each other's guts out. What is the worst example of racism you've witnessed in your life?

 Okay, here goes:

1) You mentioned "horrible flipper-like appendages". I take offence. Why are flippers horrible? Flippers are cute. You know, like Flipper the dolphin.

I thought his name was flubber. Or am I getting my Disney franchises mixed up? Nothing is wrong with flippers per se, unless you like, wanna open a door or use a keyboard, or pick yer nose. Especially that last one. I would really miss mining for the green gold.

2) You claim Singlish is a Frankenstein's monster. Please name the corresponding body parts for the following phrases - a) "Wah lao eh!!!" b) "Ah bu den??" c) "You see here got, got. You see here no got, no got."

a) Wah lao eh (exclamation points optional) obviously dug up from a Laotian graveyard. From it's forceful nature and according to my Taber's Medical Encyclopedia of Quackery, wah lao eh is either a hemorrhoid or ear hair, as this is what you say when you find out you've got it/them and realize you've suddenly become an old bastard overnight.

b) Ah bu den (question marks required) According to the guy in the guard shack downstairs, this is the body part you invite people you are not fond of to kiss.

c)you see here got, got. you see here no got, no got. This would either be the presence or absence of breast enhancements (thus the double got/no got).

3) I forgive you for not wanting to give your mom a mammogram. But name 5 people whom you would like to give a mammogram to. Why? (And [redacted] does not count, ok?)

Unofficially, 1. Milla Jovovich, because while she's hot, there isn't much there and so my job would be quite easy and I'm a lazy sob.

2. Neil Humphreys, because guys get breast cancer too, and who knows, maybe he's been nice enough to develop it for me, thus leaving me as the heir apparent of ang mo singapore satirism, and, uh, three other people. Next question!

4) You're in marketing. I need advice. Should I buy chicken eggs or a slab of pork?

Listen, in the long run sure you cold buy one other the other, and be mildly satisfied. But for a truly 'wow' breaking of your fast, might I suggest you buy both? Consider it an investment in your future gastronomical happiness. In fact, for only a little more, I can put you into the latest model of *toast*. Now this is a craze that's sweeping the nation, I tell ya. You put a little butter on it, you put a little jam or jelly--oh, but here, let's make it easy. We'll just get this shopping cart here and go aisle by aisle. You brought your wallet, right? Good. Have you heard of yoghurt? I've got a friend who...

5) You talk about racism in Singapore. I think the fact that there is tolerance here in Singapore is far better than shooting each other's guts out. What is the worst example of racism you've witnessed in your life?

On a serious note, I have been personally touched by violent racism. My aunt was killed by a black man who, when caught, told the police that he'd just decided to kill the next white person he saw. That'll teach my auntie to go to the corner store to buy a carton of milk.

I would never claim that America is in any way superior to Singapore when it comes to race relations. I would say that I don't understand how some Singaporeans can be so casual about racism.  Someone referred to my son as a 'tsap sing' (sorry about the spelling) He didn't see anything wrong with, in essence, referring to MachineBoy as a half-breed bastard.

As I've said in other places, I don't understand how anyone can be casual about racism, because when I was growing up, my generation in the US was the first to benefit from a real concerted effort to reach kids with the message that we're all equal, whatever the color of our skin. In the US, racism certainly exists, but I don't think anyone thinks of it in a casual manner, be they racists or anti-racists.

Well, they're pulling the microphone away from me now. Thanks for the interview!

The Official Interview Game Rules

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying “interview me.”
2. I will respond by asking you five questions — each person’s will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

9 comments:

Jaschocolate said...

interview me, pls.. haha

The Facetious Cap'n Intrepid said...

Me! Me! Interview me!

MercerMachine said...

Ask and ye shall receive, JC & CI. But not tonight. I'm beat and MachineBoy is really freaking grumpy. Just now he gave me that look which says 'would you stop it with that breathing in and out bullshit?' Then he screamed long and loud for no reason I can figure out. Sigh.

Jaschocolate said...

guess he is asking for food? Not sure.. not a mom yet.. haha

MercerMachine said...

okay, jaschocolate or chocolove or crappy jasmine gal, *if those ARE your real names*, here are your five questions:

1. Obviously you love chocolate. But do you really, really love chocolate? Tell us a) approximately how much chocolate you consume in a week (give us a breakdown); and b) would you eat a piece of really tasty chocolate if you had seen an ant crawling on it/it touched the floor for less than five seconds/someone you didn't know took a bite first?

2. In your blog, you sometimes talk about being lonely/without a boyfriend. Would you ever do what sandralicious has done and run a 'contest' for a date with chocolove? If so, what would be the conditions a prospective date would have to meet?

3. mr miyagi and mr brown throw down in a baby oil wrestling contest. Who do you bet money on? who would you prefer to see more skin from?

4. You talk about fighting with your mom. if you had to choose between getting along with your mom all the time and chocolate, which would you choose? You can only have ONE.

5. boxers or briefs?

Hecate said...

i want an interview too!!!

7-8 said...

We're kind of casual because no real crap has arisen out of racism. The tension is always there but it has never been allowed to build to exploding point, at least not since (May?) 1969.

We didn't drive the aborigines to near extinction, we didn't enslave people from far off lands (and even if we did we were the slaves anyway).

We're casual because we have laws that make people shut up and not talk about things, so if people suffer, they tend to suffer in silence and it's easier to pretend nothing's wrong.

We're casual because Singaporean (for that matter East Asian) racism is of the passive-aggressive variety.

That's why...

squawks said...

Interview Me.

xue said...

interview me! Because it's post-exams and I'm already bored.