Greetings and Salutations!

Welcome to the longest-running* yet least-read** blog on the internet! Here you'll find me writing about all the things that I write about, which strikes me, just now, as somewhat recursive. In any case, enjoy :)

* not true
** probably true

Saturday, June 18, 2005

The triumphant return of Blogdog!


Blogdog returns
Originally uploaded by MercerMachine.
Back by popular demand, Blogdog (aka Angus) has chosen to share his canine wit and wisdom with a needy blogosphere.

So, without further ado, I present to you the first installment of 'Ask Blogdog' (but since no one knew about it, I've had to make the questions up myself).

Dear Blogdog,

I have never gotten along well with my parents, but lately they have been very nice to me, talking about buying me a car for my graduation, etc, etc. What's going on? Should I trust them?

Sincerely,

Suspicious in Shenton Way

Dear Suspicious,

When the hairless hind-walkers offer you a treat to go into the bathroom, don't trust them! You will soon be wet and smelling like a bad imitation of jasmine or lavender, rather than your normal wholesome just-rolled-in-something-rotting odor.

If they do manage to trick you, be sure to bolt out of the room at the first opportunity and roll yourself dry on their beds. And don't let them forget the treat.

Dear Blogdog;

I'm going the the Bloggers.SG convention next month, where I will finally meet BloggerX face to face. We've had sort of a flirty relationship for months now, and while I'm excited to meet him, I'm also afraid. What if he's ugly, or creepy?

Signed Toa Payoh Trepidation

Dear Trepidation;

When first meeting anyone, bury your nose right in their crotch. That will tell you everything you need to know.

Dear Blogdog- I work so hard and yet all I ever get is complaints. No one seems to appreciate all the effort I go to at work, at home, even at the parent teacher association. What should I do?

Frustrated in Farrer Park

Dear Frustrated,

Who can say why they hover around waiting for you to poop, only to scoop it up in a plastic bag and throw it away? The main thing is you got to poop on the grass instead of having an accident on the carpet, and nobody can take that away from you.

Got a question for Blogdog? Don't be shy, just leave a comment below.

13 comments:

The Fool of a Took said...

brilliant! thanks machine you totally rocks my socks and tocks! (post-essay writing euphoria)

Little Miss Drinkalot said...

Dear Blogdog,

I've been trying for years but never seem to be able to perfect the "gothic" look.

How do you manage to line your eyes so perfectly? Do you use a special brand of eye-liner?

Yours,
LittleMIssLooksLikePunchedInTheEye

MercerMachine said...

Dear LMLLPITE,

My lovely/scarey eyes are the product of roughly 400 years of genetic shenanigans (so you've barely begun to try!)

[MercerMachine's note: Angus is a Catahoula Leopard Dog, and a rather handsome one at that]

If you don't have that long, or would rather not delve into the sex lives of mastiffs and greyhounds and red wolves and beaucerons, I suggest you gather your old Siouxsie and the Banshees albums, a big mirror, and several friends. Then let the madness begin. I am available for modelling, but only if you have parmesan flavored Bark Bars.

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