Greetings and Salutations!

Welcome to the longest-running* yet least-read** blog on the internet! Here you'll find me writing about all the things that I write about, which strikes me, just now, as somewhat recursive. In any case, enjoy :)

* not true
** probably true

Monday, November 14, 2005

Imperial Decree #2: Boycott O'Reilly Sponsors


WHEREAS, a certain television and radio personality known as Bill O'Reilly has been recorded inviting terrorist organizations to attack the American city of San Francisco;
WHEREAS, the city of San Francisco is not only an American city under the protection of the Emperor of America (in exile), but also the city of the late, lamented Emperor Norton I, and as such a shrine to the Goddess of Reason;
WHEREAS, the will of the People, of whom I am the humble instrument, demands redress for the heinous, cowardly, hate-mongering statement made by said television personality;
NOW, THEREFORE, do we order and direct any and all Americans and Citizens of the World at Large who find the invitation of a media personality to terrorist groups to destroy a city or parts thereof because the citizens of said city did not vote in accordance with said media personality's wishes TO IMMEDIATELY BOYCOTT ANY AND ALL SPONSORS OF THE O'REILLY FACTOR, be they television or radio sponsors, until such time as Bill O'Reilly is no longer employed in the capacity of a television or radio personality.

We are mightily displeased with this man, and ask that all loyal subjects of the Emperor of America (in exile), by Grace of God and the Will of the People Emperor MercerMachine I, do their utmost to make their Emperor's displeasure known with the full force of their shut wallets and pocket books.

Further, we ask that this decree be circulated and posted in all public places, be they material or electronic, that ignorance of the law may be no excuse!

Signed this 13th Day of November, 2005,

MercerMachine I
Emperor of America (in exile)
Protector and Guide of the 50 United States

5 comments:

Terry said...

Hahahah I love the "In Exile" parts

expat@large said...

Umm. OK.

For a start, I hope your trouser legs are the appropriate length and nicely ironed with a crease, and and that you shoes are better polished than your predecessor's. I can't see myself voting for a slovenly dressed emperor.

Who's next on your hit-list?

elyrie said...

Hear Hear!

MM, you're from San Antonio?? That's where I am now, and where I've been hiding out these past 3 months! Do you happen to know where I can get a good plate of chicken rice or char kway teow around here?

MercerMachine said...

Onua797- well, you know, if I ever move back to the states I can bill it as my 'triumphant return' :)

expat- who needs creases when you've got hella eupalettes and a sabre? as for who's next, you'll just have to wait for our imperial decrees like everybody else.

elyrie- yah, i know. been reading your blog :) actually, i hate to say it, but you're screwed. you can get some mediocre vietnamese food, or in austin some half-decent thai food, but unfortunately, singapore hasn't made inroads into the yellow rose of texas. now if you wanna do a trade, say, a cheese enchilada plate from taco cabana (i not picky) for a nice hainanese chicken rice plate from tiong bahru maket...

The Screwy Skeptic said...

Y'know what I suggest, Emperor?

Overhauling the entire Fox News Channel altogether ("fair and balanced" my ass) because we all know CNN is so much better. And besides, Anderson Cooper is HOT. *droool*