Greetings and Salutations!

Welcome to the longest-running* yet least-read** blog on the internet! Here you'll find me writing about all the things that I write about, which strikes me, just now, as somewhat recursive. In any case, enjoy :)

* not true ** probably true

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Why cats don't (bother to) blog

The other day, master cartoonist Yaakov Kirschen (Dry Bones) somehow took a wrong turn down a dark alley and ended up at SomethingSticky. He was kind enough not to comment on my pathetic attempts at cartooning, but he did wonder if I could write up something along the lines of Why dogs don't blog, but for cats.

He says:

After a life as a confirmed dog lover, I'm now living with ... A CAT!! She's a bossy little thing and lately I've been fantasizing about what her constant meowing is all about. Any ideas?

This one's easy :)

Why Cats Don't (bother to) Blog

Zzz... yawn, stretch, contemplate imponderables. Stretch.

SLAVE! come closer, so I can rid myself of excess hair on your conveniently placed trouser leg! Rightie, leftie, rightie, leftie, that should do it. Did I SAY you could pet me? The nerve. Walk off in huff, find clean laundry to curl up on top of. Zzz.

SLAVE! Use your cunningly-placed opposable thumb to scratch under my chin. Yes. Yess. Now, go get me some of those tasty pre-pressed snacks you keep on top of the refrigerator, thinking I don't know about and/or can't reach. Feed me from the PALM of your hand, dolt. Must I explain everything? Ah, well. You aren't the brightest spark, but nevermind. Stick with me and you'll be allright. Why don't you sit down there on the sofa? That's it. I'll just curl up here. You keep scratching... keep... thassit...zzz.

SLAVE! I require a substantial meal. Preferably something fishy. Be a good human and open one of those can things. And milk, definitely milk. Unless we have cream? Ah, well. Oh, and slave, be a good human and use those digits of yours to write my blog entry.


Hecate said...

hahaha, that's funny, and how true.

my friend's cat is at least 8 years old (she was a stray so we can't be too sure), and she's getting fatter by the day, and that's exactly what she does, eat, sleep, leaves her fur alllll over the place, and the cycle starts alllll over again..=P

PC said...

dude. that's why i'm not a cat person.

whatever became of the blog awards?

still trying to find a time to meet up... keep you posted.

Zeus said...

As a fellow feline friend, I am a bit miffed by the fact that you imply that all felines call their human pets "slaves". Clearly, your owner must be a Persian, Ragdoll, or even a Siamese for I do recall those breeds being quite "uppity"; though I must admit, I haven't much experience outside.

However, this has further encouraged my entrepreneurship: I shall make the world's first ever feline friend translator! (Perhaps I could convince Alta Babel to use it!) Communication seems to be a problem here, and if we could fix this, then we could live in harmonious bliss with one another.

And for the record, I do blog!

Anonymous said...

well cats cant blog they dont have thumbs

Yaakov Kirschen said...

thanx for the feedback and explanation, but "Miss Kitty" does not consider me a "slave"... but rather more like an inefficient but lovable servant who needs to be "prompted" to do his chores.

Dry Bones
Israel's Political Comic Strip Since 1973