Greetings and Salutations!

Welcome to the longest-running* yet least-read** blog on the internet! Here you'll find me writing about all the things that I write about, which strikes me, just now, as somewhat recursive. In any case, enjoy :)

* not true ** probably true

Sunday, May 22, 2005

GOD TOLD ME TO SAVE YOUR BREASTS


momogram
Originally uploaded by MercerMachine.

First Kylie, now this.

Apparently the Powers That Be have chosen me, MercerMachine, to wage war on breast cancer. How do I know this? First there was the Kylie debacle, and today this well intentioned but shudder-inducing poster. Signs and portents everywhere.

No mister pretty pink poster whose copywriter obviously skipped the part where you GO THROUGH SOME SORT OF EDITING PROCESS WHERE DOUBLE MEANINGS ARE WEEDED OUT, it just so happens that I do NOT want to give my mom a mammogram, because

a) I'm not trained,

b) gross,

c) I don't have the equipment laying around, oddly enough and

d) so, so very gross.

Okay, listen up people. Let me try to be as plain as I can: Breast cancer is bad. If you or someone you know has breasts, get the bearer of said breasts to have a mammogram done regularly, as breast cancer can kill you dead dead dead. Don't believe me? Read on.

UN-FUN BREAST CANCER FACTS:

Every 13 minutes a woman dies of breast cancer

Breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer death in women between the ages of 15 and 54, and the second cause of cancer death in women 55 to 74.

WHY THE BREASTS NEAREST OR DEAREST TO YOU SHOULD GET A MAMMOGRAM:


The first sign of breast cancer usually shows up on a woman's mammogram before it can be felt or any other symptoms are present.

Ninety-six percent of women who find and treat breast cancer early will be cancer-free after five years.

Okay, God? Can I get back to blatant sensationalism now?

7 comments:

mb said...

I support the Breast Cancer people every year by joining their Treasure Hunt. Get four guys in a car (get the wives out of your hair by putting them in the other car), put them on a treasure hunt with breasts as a theme = guaranteed fun and laughter.

We came in tenth last year.We had a rubber chicken tied to the front of the car as a decoration/mascot. The cock jokes just flowed.

MercerMachine said...

I've GOT to get involved in that!

grantmr said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
grantmr said...

uh, prostate cancer is just as common and deadly as breast cancer. it's also as unpleasant to get the examination. any empathic and well-round man should show his support for the breast-bearers by getting his prostate checked when the mammogram is taking place.

sorry for the reposted comment - fixed up my profile image

jon said...

I was looking at your posts about cancer skin and found a good article about the same cancer skin info too...

God luck with it : )

Anonymous said...

There are many so called alternative therapies for cancer cure natural many of which I dont think actually do anything unless they are able to control the mind as well which has huge healing potential. I think most issues relating to cancer cure natural can be accommofdated to some degree with these altenative therapies but I would not let it be my only treatement in the fight against cancer.

vinita said...

Breast Cancer facts
Common Breast Cancer Myths

The first myth pertaining to this disease is that it only affects women.

Second myth that is associated with this disease is that if one has found a lump during an examination, it is cancer.

Third is that it is solely hereditary

The next myth associated with breast cancer is downright ridiculous. Would you believe, that in this day and age, some individuals still think that breast cancer is contagious?

Conversely, some individuals foolishly believe that breast size determines whether or not one gets cancer.

Finally, another myth that is associated with this disease is that it only affects older people. This is not so. Although the chance of getting breast cancer increases with age, women as young as 18 have been diagnosed with the disease.

You can find a number of helpful informative articles on Breast Cancer facts at breast-cancer1.com

Breast Cancer facts