Strong silence squats in places gone for good
the wind blows through these rooms and makes no sound
the water rushes by somewhere outside
the grackle winds the motor of the world.
In stillness shallow breathing is preferred.
Rather than commune with you, defer-
no half-measures, no shining beads of glass
nothing to deflect the eye from truth
nothing to coat the dread and cold of loss.
Preferring this to simpleton obtuse.
Preferring open eyes at midnight and beyond
staring through the dark towards the ticking clock
and bedsheet numb and trailer creak to - to anything at all.
At two a.m. the pipes moan fearful polyglot
the wind could swing the heartache if it would, but so will not.
In empty rooms the silence is as varied and as hard
as thoughts at two and three a.m. awake in sleeping world
and severance is bitterer than ever guessed to be;
moonlight wanes out in the pines and also there, in company
the taste of some great poison that leaves its victims live.
(a conversation with God about losing faith)
An adventure is, by nature, a thing that comes to us. It is a thing that chooses us, not a thing that we choose. ~G.K. Chesterton
3 comments:
Shades of TS Eliot in "In empty rooms" and "pipes moan". I loved the last line: "the taste of some great poison that leaves its victims live"
I am looking forward to reading you more often. It's certainly so refreshingly different from Xiaxue! Granted she is young but when a blog like that gets so much attention, I just wonder about the readers. It's so lite it ought to be in Xanga!
Wow, a real live poet.
'The water rushes by somewhere outside' is a bit generic and boring. Can't it do something else? In fact, must there be water at all?
'To - to anything at all' is just a bit too disruptive. Trips me up. Why not just 'to anything at all'?
'Commune with you' is too much of a cliche to be used unironically.
'Awake in sleeping world' is awkward. Is there a reason to omit the 'a'?
Water rushes… generic and boring. I have to agree. It’s lazy. As far as why there’s water at all, it’s because, well, there was water. Snowmelt, actually. But I see your point. Either I clean up the imagery or get rid of it entirely.
To-to anything… I like the fact that it’s disruptive, the realization that there is, sadly, no other preference
Commune with you… hmmm. Have to think about that one. How does one poetically describe conversing with god in a few words without running smack into a cliché?
Awake in sleeping world… just for meter, really.
Thanks for the crit. All valid points, and insightful.
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