So SHINE, a teeny-tiny tentacle of the Cthuluesque government is going to provide refreshments for the Singapore bloggers convention. The conspiracy theories are rampant. Surveillance cameras, positive identification, blah blah blah. It all misses the point.
The point, dear stickyites, is that they are providing REFRESHMENTS. THINGS YOU PUT IN YOUR BODY. FOR FREE. They know that no self-respecting Singaporean will turn down free food/drink. Diabolically clever, they are.
You see, once the attending bloggers have consumed the fruit punch and mini-chocolate chip cookies, the least of our worries will be nano-tracking devices. In actuality, ingesting these ‘tasty treats’ could lead to far, far more frightening scenarios:
Frightening Scenario #1
We all wake up in a blogging re-education camp. Six months later, when we are returned to the world, all our posts revolve around themes such as, "The Government and you: Forever" or "Questioning and/or mocking authority is for the diseased of mind"
Frightening Scenario #2
Some weeks after the convention, all attendees suffer a frightening metamorphosis in which both hands become horrible flipper-like appendages. All our posts look like this: "v.nnloavdsjfnkjvds nk dmjhgfddf rt f yuuyi hrdesxr"
Frightening Scenario #3
Much like the movie ‘The Stuff’, bloggers cannot get enough of said tasty treats, and will do literally anything for more, making them incredibly pliant to the demands of SHINE.
Sure, go ahead and laugh. But I’ll be bringing my own snacks, thank you very much.